This is hard!

I really thought that this would get easier, but instead, it's getting harder. I realize I'm just 1 month into this 24 month process so there is time for it to turn around, right?!? This past weekend was particularly hard, emotionally and spiritually. Before he left, he arranged an anniversary gift for me. Our anniversary is the beginning of next month but he went ahead and had my precious best friend take care of it. When I opened it and read his letter, I LOST it!!! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm very appreciative of this gift and the effort that he went to prior to leaving to arrange it; however, at this point, I don't even want to think of our anniversary. I have purposefully left out a portion of this story but now, I feel that in order for my thoughts and feelings to make sense to anyone reading, I must tell that part. A month before he left, we met with our lawyer and determined to take this before a judge. Basically, we would get character witnesses on the stand and let the judge set the sentence. The state standard for this charge is probation so we felt pretty good about this decision. We lined up character witnesses and began praying that the judge would show mercy. In the meantime, our attorney wanted to see what all the D.A. "had" on D so, he and D went to review the evidence one day while I was at work. I got a phone call from my very upset husband saying that I needed to come home. I couldn't leave work at that time. I finally talked him into telling me what was wrong. I was told that we couldn't go to trial. Long story short, my husband had planned on having an affair with the co-worker that set him up. This affair obviously never happened because he had chosen to make that other stupid decision to sell pot to her "friend" before he got a chance to go on with that plan. Needless to say, our attorney basically said that any character witnesses we had wouldn't matter and that we should take the 2 year plea. One week later, he was gone.
All along, I'd felt like I didn't know the whole story. The marriage counselor we saw even told D that he needed to go ahead and tell me everything in the beginning because if something else came out later, that all trust that had been re-built would be gone. Well the marriage counselor was right. Now, with one week left, I had this to deal with. Basically other than him swearing that he never has had an affair and nothing had ever happened with her, that's the only work that we've done on our marriage. I don't know how to work on it while he is in jail. I still question whether or not I know the whole story.
Maybe that explains my response to my anniversary gift. Right now I feel like that day never mattered to him, so why should I celebrate it alone with him in jail. I guess I'm back in my angry phase. I just don't know what to do and like I said, instead of getting easier, it's getting harder.

If you've taken the time to read this, please continue to pray for us. If you happen to be going through a similar situation or even another type of storm in your life, leave a comment and I'll commit to praying for you.