Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Doing the right thing...

Last night I laid in bed for a while worried that I've "over shared" in telling the details of our story. I realize that no one is reading this, so why worry? But I do...after thinking about it all day, I think I'll leave everything. I think knowing the details will help those who do eventually read this understand my feelings. Who knows though, I may go back and erase every word and start all over. This whole process I've been just winging it. From the moment I found out D had been arrested I had NO idea what to do. I had NO dealings with jail and legal issues. After he got out, I had no idea what to do. I have no idea how to deal with a substance abuser. (That is actually where the hand of God has stepped in, my new job is in the mental health world and I do have access to therapists, one of which has a background in substance abuse counseling) I am also winging this single parent thing. I often wonder if I'm doing the right thing, not just in one area but in many areas. I'm just in such a new world that I feel like I'm doing good by just existing. I'm not going to lie, I've been angry at God. He could make all this change but He has chosen not to and as unhappy about that as I am, I have to trust that there is a purpose. I MUST believe that HE sees how all this is going to play out and as long as I seek Him, He will work everything out for my good. Many people look to Jeremiah 29:11 in times of crisis including me. Several months ago, I turned to this verse for comfort but for the first time, I continued reading and was convicted by verses 12 and 13. Basically He says that we will find HIM when we seek HIM while our whole hearts. I'm trying and I feel like lately I fail at that more often than not. I just feel plain guilt for being angry with Him and even for doubting His purpose. I heard a wonderful message from Beth Moore on Life Today last summer, so, for now, I'll go but I promise I'll post about that soon!

1 comment:

  1. We are all on a journey to our eternal home, this is just a fleeting moment with ups and downs, but eternity will be worth it!

    Passing through this life to reach our final "home" is not without hardships, hurts, losses, pain, suffering, but in Christ we can find rest.

    I know a little about suffering, pain, and life's disappointments too my sister. We are here for each other. Lifting up, encouraging, laughing, and crying.

    God has given me peace for the very first time in my life, I am totally at rest within my soul. And with what is going on at the moment in my life, that is not an easy place to be.... but it is possible.

    All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me!

    It was because of your sharing your redemption story with Justin and Trisha, I found your blog. Thank you for being open and sharing!

    My verse I speak each and every morning is this:

    "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and can laugh with no fear of the future" Proverbs 31:25

    Loving your blog! Hang in there sister friend! I will be lifting you and your family up in prayer! :)